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    Neil Trotter won 108 Million on the Lottery.

    bobby47
    By bobby47,

    Imagine winning that! Bloody Hell! First thing I'd do if I won that sum of money would be to purchase half an acre of good land in the City. That's what I'd do. Good land that would sustain a herbaceous perennial plant.

    Then I'd phone up Wilhelmina Krugg, the worlds leading expert in growing Urticar Dioica. I'd say, 'it's me, Fortyseven. I want you to come to Hereford in England and grow me a huge crop of bloody nettles. Stinging nettles. None of your mamby pamby nettles. Real stingers and I'll pay you twenty thousand pounds'. She'd say, ' Lovely. Yes. Do I have to sleep with you' and I'd say, 'No Krugg. Just grow me a field of nettles and then clear off home'. Bloody wanton strumpet!

    Then, I'd phone up the local Nit Nurse. I'd say, 'it's me Fortyseven. How do you fancy diversifying. Leave behind your career treating pediculus humanus capitus and get into antihistaminics. Come work for me for twenty grand a week'. Of course,'she'd say, ' Nettle Stings! Yes, I'll take the job. Do I have to sleep with you?', to which, I'd say, 'why do folk want to sleep with me. No. Never! I'd never sleep with a woman who's entire life's work has been devoted to treating head lice. Keep your bloody hands off me'.

    Then, I'd make the crucial call. I'd phone up bloody Wearside Jack. He, who decades ago made a number of hoax calls claiming to be the Yorkshire Ripper. I'd say, 'Wearside its me, Fortyseven, Im guessing that since you've been in prison and have been unmasked as a hoax telephone caller that terrorised a nation, you can't get bloody work'. ' its true',he said, 'being WearsideJack tends to hold you back from gaining employment in our local Call Centres'. I'd say, 'come work for me. Ten grand a week and you get to roll people I don't like in nettles and you get a company phone to call whoever you want'.

    And then, with all the integral component parts in place, it begins. A reign of terror that only visits Cabinet Councillors and senior Council members of staff.

    Then they'd be a tap,tap, tap on the hut door. I'd say 'who is it?' 'Its me, Bretherton. I've got your letter and I thought I'd take advantage of your extraordinarily kind offer.' 'Yes', I'd reply, by giving yourself up you get rolled around in nettles for the ten minutes rather than the thirty. Excellent. Good man. Now take all your clothes off and Wearside here will drag you around my nettle patch for ten minutes and once its done this good lady nurse Agnes will treat your terrible injuries'.

    He'd say, ' I won't waste public money again. I've learned my lesson. Now I know what the consequences are, from hereon,Im going to be careful in implementing anything that'll get me another five minutes in that patch of hell on earth'.


    The Power Of Social Media

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    I am sometimes amazed at the power of social media. I posted a simple photograph from HV back in 2010 of the old Belmont Pub on the HV Facebook page, with the words "Who remembers the Belmont Pub?"

     

    This has had over 10,000 views with 407 likes and over 40 comments, I was quite surprised at the numbers. Clearly people have shared this photo out to their friends but it just goes to show the power of social media and the extent of it's reach

     

    Belmont-Pub.png


    Hereford United Reverting To Part-Time Football

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    Hereford United reverting to part-time football is a possibility for next season, the club admits.

    HUFC.png

     

    Details from tonights AGM taken from the HUFC website:

     

     

    Brief details on the club's financial position as being presented and discussed at this evening's AGM.

    The Hereford United FC AGM is taking place as this article is published.  Here we briefly cover some details of the financial situation as raised by the Chairman is his report. 

    30 jobs to go at Balfour Beatty

    Roger
    By Roger,

    vhon.jpg

     

    30 jobs to be shed to improve services! ~ I can't link to the actual story on the HT as it's been removed. It was only up for a short time ... 


    Fun email signature

    jnorris235
    By jnorris235,

    Economic Development Officer

     

    Economic Development

    Herefordshire Council

    PO Box 4

    Hereford

    HR4 0XH

     

    For every £10 spent with independent businesses in Herefordshire £8 stays in the county, for

    every £10 spent with the national chains only £2 stays in Herefordshire.

    Source: new economics foundation / LM3

    This is their signature! After they built the ESG!


    The Tragic Demise of the Black Plastic Bin Bag.

    bobby47
    By bobby47,

    I had a bit of the usual trouble today. I was sat reading the Pipe Lyde, Munstone and Holmer medical Lancet , where I'd become deeply engrossed in a wonderfully informative article titled, 'what to do if you've snapped your penis because of excessive masturbation'. When out of the blue, all of a sudden, there was a tap, tap, tap on the door. I thought, funny, tap, tap, tap on the door, who could it possibly be?

    Rather than sit there, muttering, 'who could it be?', I decided to open the door to see who it was. I wish I'd stayed put. It was only Councillor Pat Morgan and the Councils top legal mind Bill bloody Norman.

    I said, 'clear off. I've snapped me bloody penis'. Bloody Morgan, dressed in her Sunday best said, 'here's your new wheeled rubbish bin. Ain't it a beauty?

    That did it. I told her straight. I said, 'I'm a black plastic bin bag man. Always have been and always will be and I'll be damned if I take delivery of that hideous monstrosity. Clear off!'

    Course then Bill bloody Norman gets involved doesn't he? He said, 'if you don't accept this new bin you'll have more than a snapped penis to be worrying about. I'll break your bloody legs'.

    I said, ' bloody threatening me on me own doorstep. I'll be damned if I accept this type of behaviour. Im a black plastic bin bag man. Always have been and always will be and if you don't clear off with that wheeled bin, Im going to be demanding some habeus corpus, a sworn affidavit and a measure of mens Rea'.

    Course, that shut him up. He said, 'you've got the Latin'. I said, 'bloody too right I've got the Latin', and

    just to ensure they both knew who they were up against I told them,'and if and when I do recover from this snapped penis thing, Im going to be starting a petition off on 38 degrees demanding the right to dispose of my rubbish how I want to dispose of my rubbish. I intend to carry on depositing my garbage in the black plastic bin bag and hell will freeze over before I ever use your wheeled bin.'

    And finally, to all of you out there, who diligently recycle their rubbish and who value the black plastic bin bag, I say, join me in this fight against oppression. If, like me, you enjoy emptying all your food waste into a black plastic bag, rather than a two wheeled bin manufactured somewhere within Bavaria, then speak your minds and say, 'No! Never. We're black plastic bin bag folk. Always have been and always will be and we ain't for changing!

    There! I've said it!


    Demolishing The Beattie Ave Flats

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    Des, have started to demolish the flats in Beattie Avenue...

     

    IMG_6598.JPG

     

    Plenty of photo's and video below.


    How many web sites does the Council have?

    jnorris235
    By jnorris235,

    Over the last 5 years - I wonder how many web sites the Council has had, paid for, and discontinued (such as faster4herefordshire.com).

     

    Several years ago I was told I'd failed in a bid to write one for them because I had come in under their advised limit. They were looking for quotes over £5000 and I had quoted £3000.

     

    So - tell me, anyone who writes web sites - how can hereyoucan.co.uk the latest Council web site possibly have cost over £20,000? Be clear - the brief alone cost £15,000. This was JUST for writing it - seen how much is on the site??

     

    >>the development of the electronic website to enable easy access to businesses and community to the toolkit, guidelines and examples for use. The total cost to design, host and manage the interactive website is £21,821.25. <<

     

    PC Minutes February 2014

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    Please find attached minutes of the meeting held on Thursday 6th February 2014 at Northolme Community Centre, Northolme Road, Belmont Hereford.

     

    Minutes 6.2.2014.pdf


    PC Minutes January 2014

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    Please find attached minutes of the extraordinary meeting held on Thursday 23rd January 2014 at Belmont Community Centre, Eastholme Avenue, Belmont Hereford.

     

    Minutes - 23.01.2014.pdf


    BRPC Agreed 2014-2015 Expenditure Budget

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    Agreed 2014-2015 Expenditure Budget & Precept Request

     

    Agreed budget and precept request 2014-2015.pdf


    Trouble within the Council?

    bobby47
    By bobby47,

    Who knows. I don't. I know buggar all and what I do know ain't worth a jot of notice but, a Director of Hereford Council, Jenny Lewis is about to jump ship and scurry off to join Hertfordshire Council.
    Why? I mean, huge salary, massive pension, do little or nothing all day long, attend a few meetings and create confusion amongst the staff beneath you, so why go?
    I think something's gone wrong and nows the time for her to go. But, what do I know? I know nothing!


    Go Careful, Pot Holes

    ragwert
    By ragwert,

    If you thought Herefords potholes are bad, have a look at pothole britain-drivers beware on ch5+1 now  :Surprised_32:


    Surgical Procedure commonly known as an Endoscopy.

    bobby47
    By bobby47,

    Or, if my view is worth a jot of bloody notice, a violation of your human dignity. Whichever way the NHS dress this thoroughly brutal and unpleasant practice, its moreorless bloody Guantanamo Bay style Waterboarding except they don't ask you any questions other than,'who are you?'.

    Good bloody grief! I'd sooner eat the placenta of Kerry Katona's latest birth than submit myself again to this devilish practice.

    This is what happens. You go down to the Hospital and in my case my bloody wife went with me to make sure I didn't run off. You go in, your'e met by bloody shiney, happy clappy people who thrust a form in front if you that moreorless says, 'you gave us permission to do this terrible thing to you and, if you come out of it a vegetable and unable to control your bloody bowell movements, its not our rotten fault.'

    Course, I didn't want to sign it but bloody 'she' insisted I did or else she'd hit me in the face with a frying pan when she got me home. Then they say, 'you've got two bloody options. Firstly we drug you so that you're literally out of your mind or, if you choose,we can spray the back of your throat with a spray that'll give you a small anaesthetic. Having then learned that the drug was Rohypnol, commonly known as the preferred choice of Date Rape Drugs, I decided to have the spray. My thinking was I didn't want to end up on Youtube being violated by a dozen well endowed men who had me in the starring role of Bobby Does Hereford.

    Then, after the form filling and some bloody encouraging words, they sit you down in the waiting room where you get to listen to all those who are ahead of you in this process. It's like a bloody abattoir! My God, the sounds! Grunting noises, screams of, 'save me Jesus' and 'I want my bloody Mommy' all mixed up with the sound of people gagging on their own vomit.

    Then, I saw this sweet lady leave me and enter the room. Bless her! She'd handed her false teeth to the nurse. I saw this sweet child of God go in but the same person didnt come out. The woman who eventually emerged looked the same, probably was the same woman, but this woman I gazed upon had left her spirit and her soul behind in that godforsaken room. When it was my turn, I said, 'I've changed me bloody mind. I ain't going in. Never. I'll be damned if I allow this procedure to take place.' Course, she said, 'get in there you big Jesse if you know what's good for you'. I said, 'you rotten old cow' and I entered the room.

    Once therein, there were four of them. Two to hold you down, one to shove the entire camera crew down your bloody throat and one to tell you to 'breathe normally' while the equipment and the film crew travel down your gullet and onwards and downwards to your stomach opening.

    I'd like to say that I swore to find them all after I'd recovered from this dreadful ordeal but you can't swear. You can't bloody speak. All you can do is grunt, heave, gag and gurgle as the film crew hit four gag reflexes on their journey of violation. It's horrendous!

    You'd think that when they reached the bottom and the end of their journey you'd be relieved. You bloody ain't, because they then rotate the rotten camera and hit all four gag reflexes again as they begin the journey back up toward the entry point that is your bloody mouth.

    And then once it was done and I was invited to sit up and breathe for the first time in ten bloody minutes I looked all four in the eye, delivered them a volley of obscene expletives and left the building accompanied by my wife of forty years who had the temerity to tell me that, 'you made an awful lot of noise. I was so embarrassed'.

    If your General Practioners ever invites you to go to the Hospital for this procedure tell them to get stuffed! No good comes of it.


    And schools....

    Biomech
    By Biomech,

    Why are all of the schools in Hereford now only running until 2pm ? All this week when I've be out the school kids are all leaving at 2 - 2.15pm and going home. I suppose it's now inhumane to have them do a full day of education.


    Tobacco Raids - It's that time of year again

    Biomech
    By Biomech,

    Every year, first quarter, these shops get raided, found to be in possession of countless articles of illegal imports etc. They then either get a fine or shut down and then open up again under someone elses name from the group.

     

    We know who they are even if the HT are censoring that part of the information and, surprise surprise, disabling comments again.

     

    www.herefordtimes.com/news/10995390.Call_to_shut_shops_over_county_s_illegal_tobacco_trade/


    Anyone else been asked to complete survey by Jesse?

    magicroundabout
    By magicroundabout,

    This afternoon I had an invitation to complete Jesse Norman's survey " How am I doing".  Checking for feedback - impressive!! 

     

    Quote:  "I am sending it to you as you have previously contacted me about casework or an issue of government policy that concerns you."

     

    One of the survey questions was "Jesse puts constituents before his career"

    Do I strongly agree; agree; neither disagree or agree; disagree; strongly disagree?

     

    The other questions were more realistic.     :Hmm:  :Happy_32:   :Winky:

     

     


    Hereford Burglary CCTV Appeal

    Colin James
    By Colin James,

    CCTV Released In Hereford Burglary Investigation

    Police officers are releasing a CCTV image of a man they want to speak to in connection with a burglary at a Co-operative store in Hereford.

    The incident happened at the Co-op shop in Ledbury Road on Saturday 14 December between 2.15am and 3am.wmp__1389184516_Ledbury_Road_suspect.jpg

    CCTV image

    The stock room was broken into and then there was an attempt to enter the shop and office which were locked.

    A man captured on CCTV at the premises is described as having dark hair, aged between 28 and 40 years, he has a large wide nose and possibly had a black swollen eye at the time of the offence. He was wearing a dark hoody with white cords in the collar and a grey hoody over the top with black writing on the right upper arm.

    PC Cathryn Blake of Hereford Police said: “We would like to hear from anyone who knows this man or recognises him from the CCTV picture. We would also like to appeal to the man himself to contact us.”

    Anyone with information is asked to contact PC Blake at Hereford police by calling the non-emergency number 101 and quoting incident number 136s 141213.

    Alternatively, please remember that information can also be passed on anonymously by calling the independent charity, Crimestoppers, on 0800 555 111.

     

    Full Details Here


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    • Alex

      Enjoying this fabulous weather 
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      This weather is relentless at the moment 
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    • Devoice

      ALL Classes restart Monday 30th December 2019
      I am a very experienced Line dance teacher (over 23 years in the same hall), and like teaching Beginners. Our members like to assist and are friendly. Class numbers in all classes are currently 8 to 18.
      FIRST ONE TRIAL LESSON FREE FOR BEGINNERS
      Learn to Western Line Dance with Single Star Country & Western 01432 870383 email devgalal@hotmail.co.uk 90% "original country music" & classic western type dances
      Mondays 7.15-9.30 pm Beginners to Intermediate
      Northolme Community Centre, Hereford HR2 7SP From Hereford centre take Abergaveny Rd Turn right at Tesco round-about, (sign posted), Straight at mini round-about, on left £5 at door
      Thursday 7.00-9.00pm Beginners only
      Holme Lacy Village Hall  HR2 6LP. On main road Adj Telephone Box £5 at door
      Fridays 8.00-10.00 pm Beginners to Intermediate
      Leominster Community Centre HR5 8NJ Take the north road out from centre , turn right into car park, turn right & left past large new building, old school building on left at end of drive £5 at door.
      Please arrive 15 min earlier to any class if new to us, If uncertain of directions , and due to possible changes in venue / time of start please phone before attending to avoid disappointment. Thank you.
       




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    • SON OF GRIDKNOCKER

      This is the profile of a new terrace of brick-built houses near Birmingham city centre (designed by the Courtyard's architect Glen Howells) which is due to be unveiled later this month by the developer Urban Splash. What a pity something as architecturally well-mannered as this couldn't have gone up on the ex-Rockfield DIY site alongside Hereford Station, which will shortly be playing host to a student accommodation block which looks more like a STASSI training centre!

      · 0 replies
    • H.Wilson

      Bloody Quality Street in Tesco's already, its August not Xmas!
      · 0 replies
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