ragwert

After it was revealed earlier today that George Osborne was to pull a further £5.8 billion out of his arse to fund the subsidisation of Housing Association sales, scientists have been arguing excitedly about the incredible capacity of his colon. Having already found £8 billion for the NHS and £7 billion in tax cuts earlier in the year, it is now being said by some that Osborne’s ‘Tardis Arse’ is in fact the biggest of its kind in the western world. Colon expert Prof. James Francis said; ‘we thought that Ed Balls had stretched way beyond capacity by offering to pay for the minimum-wage jobs of the long term unemployed, but this is truly miraculous.’ Speaking at a press conference, Francis went on to brief the gathered journalists on how Osborne was doing it; demonstrating with a specially prepared model. According to Francis, the NHS money was stored in an area of the colon normally inaccessible to chancellors, but due to deep rectal mining techniques, Osborne had been able to pull the money out of his arse with relative ease. ‘The tricky bit was the housing cash’ Francis added, saying that a little known area of the large intestine had recently been discovered to churn out ten pound notes and the Tories were now hoping to exploit the finding for all it was worth. However, physicists have also been much occupied with the question of George Osborne’s arse, but have come to far more disquieting conclusions. Said Dr. John Taylor of Oxford University; ‘We think it may be a temporary quantum phenomenon known as ‘Schrödinger’s Arse’, when the money is simultaneously both there and not there. It may be that, despite Mr. Osborne’s confidence that the money can be pulled out, by the time he actually has someone reach up there it will have disappeared.’ Other skeptics have said that, given how tight Osborne’s arse has been in recent years, such a rapid expansion could have devastating consequences. Taylor added that some of his colleagues are convinced that his rectum could ‘contract rapidly into a black hole, sucking in and destroying great quantities of local matter, with potentially disastrous consequences’. George Osborne seemed confused when quizzed about his miraculous arse, and actually looked at his elbow. ‘He’s always had problems telling one from the other,’ explained his minder.

Have just been listening to Suzanne Evans from UKIP on BBC1 breakfast,if Nigel dose step down after the elections and she becomes top dog the other parties better look out at the next general election in five years time.

This would of been a great idea.......30 years ago.Sadly the only people I see in their photos are OAP's ,

Go here Dippy https://www.facebook.com/pages/Whitehouse-Community-Centre/180629308715846

Something even more interesting is that the BP garage is still there

As days of unusually warm and sunny weather followed on from the first party leaders’ debate, the leaders themselves have been arguing about who deserves the most credit for it. ‘I arranged for the fair weather to start today,’ said David Cameron. ‘I pledge that the next Conservative government will continue to improve the weather in real terms over the next five years.’ He looked annoyed when George Osborne suggested that he had, in fact, created the ‘right climate’ for the good weather. Ed Miliband immediately countered Cameron’s claims, saying that the Tories had cynically taken credit for a long-standing Labour policy. ‘Under the last Labour government, we always provided good weather for Easter Monday,’ claimed Miliband as he barbecued another bacon sandwich. ‘Admittedly it was easier back then. Tony only had to drop his pants and bend over – instant sunshine.’ ‘I can tell you categorically that without us in the coalition the Tories would have had rain every bank holiday,’ retorted Nick Clegg during a whirlwind tour of his last three supporters in Hallam. ‘If they had their way bank holidays would be so miserable workers would be happy to work through them on normal time. And Labour would make it too hot for many people to enjoy. Only the Liberal Democrats offer true balance in sunshine hours.’ Nigel Farage wasn’t as keen on the weather until he discovered that the warm front had not originated in Europe. He then agreed that warm weather complemented his third pint of warm beer perfectly. ‘It’s typical of the main parties, contributing to global warming and pretending there’s nothing wrong, said Green Party leader Natalie Bennett. ‘If we are part of the next government, we will hold bank holidays only in the summer to reduce the carbon footprint of Christmas trees and people having the heating on all Easter.’ ‘Actually we arranged it,’ said Nicola Sturgeon of the SNP, with a menacing glare. ‘In Scotland, the sun shone for nearly three minutes on Easter Monday and the temperature got close to above zero, no thanks to anyone in Westminster.’ The Met Office confirmed that the good weather will continue ‘until it changes, possibly sooner. Or it will go dark first’. Plaid Cymru leader Leanne Wood declined to comment as it was pissing down all day in Wales as usual.

There may be 620 spaces Dippy but two thirds of them were not being used today

Well I parked in the Merton car park today and will be doing so tomorrow.As I had a few minuets to spare waiting for my lad I counted how many vehicles there were parked.Total (bar a few as I rush counted) 191.

Here is a sticking point Colin.You would never get planning to go past these flats this close

past the rugby club and Sainsburys, continuing down parallel with Edgar Street at the back of the Theatre, continuing past Currys and almost to the back of Dunlem opposite the Leisure Centre. How would it pass Sainsburys and continue down Edgar Street?

That money must be used to build another river crossing even if it means the road system not being completely finished until we do have money to finance it. I'm also thinking that if the money from the link road was put towards the Southern link road we would pretty much have enough money to complete a by-pass

Anyone else feel like bloody hibernating for the next six weeks

Some of the girls inc a relative of mine.

I'd rather see a new wider re aligned bridge and a roundabout put on the Roman Road and the other rail bridge on the Roman Road replaced

It is. The scheme for redeveloping the Holmer Trading Estate was secured solely on the back of delivering the Canal but did not actually proceed due to the recession..... The inspector's landmark ruling was:- " in my judgement, the Canal restoration, and its resultant benefits to long-term planning objectives for the City, are material considerations in this case, which are sufficient to outweigh the conflict with the development plan". Now the property market is reviving a new developer has stepped forward and revised plans are being put together to see a new scheme come to life.... This will see about one third of the Canal in Hereford restored and transferred to us as well as a long term income stream from the adjoining properties.

Just noted a refusal request from Hereford City Council on the bases of there being 120 homes,did they not read the app properly as it states up to 120 homes. Also refusal because of the narrow bridge but yet again they failed to read the planning app thoroughly as it shows a mini roundabout,pedestrian path over rail bridge and one lane controlled by traffic lights.

About time that Holmer trading est was redeveloped. And the reinstatement of the Canal will be a great tourist attraction.

Same trees as St Nichols church Bobby. They have to be cut right back though its a long time since they were cut back last.

Its the same price as Ross on wye to Hereford £18 week

It won't be empty long as we have one of those rare shops that we have very few of opening in its place....... Cafe Nero :-)

Glad you liked it dp.One thing i did not like that came through my letterbox today was The Herefordshire & South Herefordshire Courier. Has anyone seen this Conservative 'rag' before as I certainly have not. Is Jess Norman so busy that he cannot speak or put his own thoughts and voice to his campaign. Looking at one page it has A record of action which just shows him at a Bakery,pulling a pint just like Nigel,reopening a clock tower and taking an ice bucket challenge,is this really Action?

The living relatives of Richard III, the last English king to perish in battle, are now faced with a bill of over £100,000 from Leicester City Council for a parking space the monarch occupied for well over five hundred years. A spokesman for the council said: ‘We don’t care who you are; you can’t avoid Hawkeye Parking Enforcement sensors. Given that Richard arrived at the site about half a millennium before we installed the system, we didn’t clock him arriving, but we saw the whole exhumation thing. He’s been down there for ages. We are fully within our rights to issue parking fines retrospectively, even to those with alleged spinal disabilities’. King for only two years, Richard III was fatally wounded at the Battle of Bosworth Field, and will finally be reburied at Leicester Cathedral on Thursday following his famous excavation from the car park back in 2012. Despite this being the first occasion that a parking fine has been issued from an era that predates the car park itself, the council insist they have treated Richard fairly: ‘In accordance with the latest parking laws, once his twisted bones were exhumed, we were obliged to give him a ten-minute grace period to remove himself off the site completely. ‘Even after this fair and generous treatment, he still continued to just lie there, blocking the path of a Renault Megane Coupe that had already paid for a ticket.’ Defending the deceased monarch, MP Eric Pickles, who recently declared an end to the ‘war on motorists’, said: ‘Not only are we now ending the war on drivers who simply want to go about their daily business, but we will now extend this to kings who just want to die valiantly in battle and be buried underneath council-run car parking facilities without the fear of being financially penalised several centuries later. If that’s not an election winner then I don’t know what is.

What would you do with the 25 million already in the pot for the A465 A49 southern link road?

With fingers crossed, fidgeting and winking to the camera, David Cameron fired the starting pistol to the longest sustained stream of affluent effluent in electoral history. He was swiftly joined by the leaders of all the main political parties keen to shovel on extra dollops of steaming manifesto do-do’s and don’t-don’ts. All the way through to May 2015, candidates are expected to indulge in levels of non-stop shiftiness which would normally send Pinocchio looking for emergency rhinoplasty. One animal behaviourist explained: ‘There are subtle tell-tale signs when a politician is lying. Lips moving, or taking in breath are the two most obvious ones. But the one that people usually miss is whenever they meet a member of the electorate; they have to adopt a fixed grin, in order to suppress their natural gag reflex.’ Naturally voters are somewhat less enthused about five months of dissembling electioneering. One swing voter commented: ‘We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf, but no one mentions the story of the boy who pretended the NHS was safe. In that version of the story the wolf gets so embarrassed by the boy’s actions that he votes for the Green Party. And that’s saying something, as wolves are notoriously UKIP.’ Meteorologists have suggested that the mild winter may be to blame for early spring buds and a tsunami of inexactitude, but the BBC’s other most trusted presenter after the weather forecasters, Nick Robinson, hinted at the immediate perception of perfidy by ‘Messrs Cameron, Clegg and Miliband’. â€Beware of Greeks bearing gifts’ as the saying goes,’ he mused. ‘But these election promises seem less like a Trojan Horse filled with sneaky Greeks and more like a dyspeptic donkey about to unleash a fountain of diarrhoea on your best rug. Then they’ll rub salt into the wound, or poo into the shag pile, by spending the next five years telling you how it is your own fault and that you have to pay for the clean-up.

They are closing down.I have a relative who works there.