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Poisoned chalice anyone?...Bill N? Bobby47?


WirralPC
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With or without an 'e'. It's true and I've a huge back catalogue of sh.it ready and prepared for a completely new audience. In fact, I'll be trawling the archives of these pages to remind myself of some of the drivel, tripe and nonsensical codswallop I've shoveled out before.

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Oh that's right bobby, leave us for pastures a fresh,with your new found fame & glory,peddling your codswallop…I just knew it…Hereford isn't big enough for your special kind of talent! Oh no cos you are the Drivel King it was bound to happen…first Hereford now the Wirral next the world??!!

…well I hope you don't just forget about us now you've made it big?…you big time Charlie! make sure you come back & visit us someday? Even if it is only to write your biography…bobby47 the early days!!…& I better be in it??!!

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Cambo, Yes my good friend. It's true. I've begun my surge to the top of The Wirral tapping food chain. Course, it ain't going to be easy. Some tough lads up there. Uncompromising lads who are just as likely to make me buy the beer all night and refuse me a seat at the top table.

Mind, I'll not be sat on the floor for long. Never! Oh, Cardin, Brace and Growl Tiger may think they've got the measure of me and they may even think I can be controlled but in time, and its all a matter of time, I'll be sat up on high and it'll be me who'll be choosing what they want to talk about.

Mind, I'm no fool. They'll have their 'lets talk about girls we'd like to kiss' time. You'd be a fool to say, 'No'. But gradually and ever so slowly I'll begin to dominate them. Yes dominate them. And once I've completely dominated them I'll tell some lad, 'your in my seat. I've dominated you and there's nothing you can do to stop it'.

That's what you do to become King of The Wirral. I've done it here, I'll do it there and if I'm really forced to, and I don't particularly want to, who would, I'd become King of some east of England area that's surrounded by a flat and boring landscape like Norfolk who ain't particularly interested in blogging.

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Bobby we urge you to apply for the vacant CEO post on Wirral.  Send in your CV now before it gets advertised.  Beg the Leader of the Council to give you the job on a temporary basis. That way you will have no competition from other applicants. Tell him about your strengths and weaknesses eg. in order to do the job properly it is essential you have a newly refurbished office with extra strong drain pipes in case Bill Norman tries to climbs them.  Tell him of your love of BMWs, your desire for foreign travel paid for out of council tax.  Express your interest in golf.  Even if you don’t like BMWs or golf all you have to do is lie and the job will be yours. 

 

 

You will only have to commit for 2 years and you can retire back to Herefordshire with a sack full of lovely dosh. You don’t even have to live on the Wirral (or as you call it the wrong side of the water).  You can reside back in Liverpool just as the outgoing CEO has done and then if you make a total “mess†of running the Wirral you won’t actually have to live in it as we Wirral residents have to do.

 

However to tempt you to the Wirral we do have Lidl, Aldi, Sainsbury, Tesco and a soon to be Waitrose so if you do chose to live here you won’t have to foreclose on your thrice weekly trolley dash. And, think of those evenings you could spend in the Ring O’Bells, sipping cherry brandies, watching the sun set over Hilbre Island.  Tempted yet?

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If only I could become the Chief Executive of Wirral Council! Mind, having two formal qualifications in Religous Education and Woodwork and an ability to sneak up behind you, strangle you and blow your house up is unlikely to see me get past the paper sift of applications.

Course, I'd love to do it. First thing I'd do if ever they made me Chief Executive would be to call the Carpenter and have the bloody door removed from me office. In fact, thinking about it, I'd probably not have an office and I'd sit downstairs with all those who toil and deliver our much cherished public services. Yes! That's what I'd do.

Then, I'd summon the hierarchy to me and tell them, 'clear off. Be gone. Tell them what you like you'll get no gagging money from me.' And that's before tea break!

Then I'd formally dissolve all these pointless Partnerships that only serve to create meetings, empires and pointless tripe that none of us even understand. I would! I'd phone the local Constable and I'd tell him, 'bloody road safety is your problem. You sort it out. Clear off and don't come back bothering me.' Same with the Health Service and any other agent who rides this Partnership gravey train. And still, it ain't dinner time.

Then I'd gather around me every single member of staff who'd been bullied, humiliated, placed in the basket that says,'this is a tw.at' and I'd tell them, 'do your work. Do it as well as you can and nobody will ever hurt you again'. Then I'd drag the Whistleblowers out from hiding and I'd say, 'I'm a fully grown man and I'm heterosexual. This kiss that I place upon your rosey pursed lips is an expression of gratitude. It's dinner time.

After that, every bloody single member of staff would be told, 'unless its absolutely necessary nobody uses email. If you want to pass on an instruction you lean across the desk and tell them what's on your mind'. Then I'd break me own rule and I'd email every single member of the management team and I'd tell them, under no circumstances will you ever communicate in your old and former strange language. Shi.t like Horizontally Integrated is now banned and if anyone ever breaks this rule they'll get thrown through the window, have their lanyard confiscated and they'll have to convince me by howling up at the window that they should be allowed back in. Afternoon tea break.

I've gone to the pub to think up another shed load of radical ideas all intended to stop the haemorraging of public funds. There!

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In the year 2009 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living on the Wirral and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

 

He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

 

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard-but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"

 

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.

 

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

 

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

 

When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

 

Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenter's I'm supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

 

To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

 

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

 

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

 

"No," said the Lord. "The British government beat me to it!"..

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Good evening Mr Knight!

 

There are literally hundreds of threads within this forum, many of them on very serious subject matters indeed.Some of us spend time,and put quite a lot of effort into researching, campaigning and generally trying to effect positive changes for Hereford. We then post what we find out. Very few of the 270 members of Hereford Voice, contribute to this forum on a regular basis.

 

Believe me when I say, it's bloody hard work sometimes keeping up any sort of momentum!

 

Now and again, a story lends itself to a touch of humour......and yes, we have a laugh.

 

Please don't knock that.......it can't all be doom and gloom!!

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I have had the same thought myself.........me, clearing off I mean, not you!

 

Honestly Mr Knight, I absolutely WANT new posters to contribute, in fact I have pleaded with them to, so please don't take offence when none was meant.

 

There are a multitude of other stories to comment on if this one isn't for you......I would love to hear your views.

 

Warm regards.

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Greenknight, Come on pal. Please don't clear off. Get back on here and give me a piece of your mind. It will not offend me and it'll not be a problem. Please don't clear off. We need new blood and its no bad thing to poke me in the eye. I'm being serious. I really don't want you to clear off. Good for you for saying what you think and tomorrow, after you've slept and you feel more like it, get stuck in and give it to me. It really is ok. Truly it's ok and I do understand.

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Oh Crikey Flam!

 

This is a first for me! I appear to have put my foot in it, and quite unintentionally frightened off a new recruit.

 

This really wasn't what I wanted, and if Mr Knight thinks I have been impolite then of course I offer my apologies.

 

I was merely trying to point out that a sense of humour - even questionable humour! -is one of lifes essentials.

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Dippy – it’s not your fault for scaring off the new recruits – it’s clearly the fault of us folk “up north†for trying to join Hereford and Wirral together into the global society.  On behalf of those of us north of the A49 Mr Knight or are you Mr Green I apologise and although we have taken a light hearted approach to this topic an awful lot of heartache has gone into the background and we are just having a light hearted exchange for once.  (Your first name wouldn’t be Dave would it – as that could open up a whole new topic from the Wirral?!!!!!!!!!?)

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Bobby47, the landscape of the Wirral peninsula differs markedly.  It's striking, rugged and treacherous.

 

And there is another quite unpredictable 'landscape' here; that of the menace-filled political network, with its attendant PR lies, spin, deceit and backstabbing.

 

You mentioned your pals' favourite subject of 'girls we'd like to kiss'.........  As you find your feet, don't ever let your guard down and be tempted in by a certain Wirral femme fatale, a long-term occupant of this tangled web.

 

This is your warning, and heed it well.

 

You may catch sight or wind of this beguiling local phenomenon as you settle into place and become known.  As your own vibrations fan out, the threat you embody will be quickly registered.  You will then be placed under observation, before being targeted and stealthily approached.

 

I managed to resist temptation, even when deep inside the lair of the beast.

 

But better men than me; much better, have not been so fortunate.  They've hesitated for a split-second, fallen headlong and been dragged down kicking and howling, to be devoured piece by piece, before being spat out contemptuously, as broken, empty husks.

 

This is your warning Bobby47.  Wirral awaits you with expectation and not without a hint of trepidation.  The beast is attracted to charisma, power and influence.

 

Tune your antennae, heed the signals, don't be deterred by the corpses littering the landscape, be brave in your mission, stay strong, but above all..............

 

...............keep your wits about you.

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Sorry I am so missing the context of this thread? Dippy you have nothing to apolgise for, if Mr Knght doesn't feel this forum is of any interst to him I am confused to why he took the time to register and inform us?

 

GrowlTiger don't you dare desert the Voice we are honoured that you chose to join us and I for one welcome your contributions. Bobby I await your reprimand, which I welcome and concede you have the absolute right as the undisputed King of this forum to shoot me down but either Mr Greenknight wants to contribute or he doesn't? I'm guessing he doesn't so I would say thanks for the feedback Mr Greenknight we've taken your comments on board, enjoy the rest of your evening.

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Well, I want Green Knight back!!

 

We at Hereford Voice have been spoilt rotten recently, with Paul Cardin, John Brace and Growl Tiger all swelling the ranks of regular contributors!

 

But I want more, yes more!

 

I want Green Knight to post his views and news upon these pages, and I shall keep on until I can convince him to come back!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh dear I get mentioned again, but in a nice way. 

Here I am on the Wirral battling with Youtube/Sony Music Entertainment who've taken down one of my videos of Wirral Council on what I see are spurious grounds. Apparently they think just because somebody happened to show a video (which contained the music track by Jonsi (an Icelandic musician) We buily a zoo) during a public meeting that that's grounds for taking the whole video down and preventing the public hearing about...

*dramatic drumroll*

Wirral Council's attempts to close down a school for disabled children. 

Meanwhile the Bulgarians (a new customer) have paid me for an ad in the other part of the media I work in outside of politics. 

Yes, it's been busy here today, since Youtube (from this morning) restricted me to clips of less than fifteen minutes, I've been chopping up audio of last night's meeting into smaller chunks to upload. Now instead of two Youtube clips, it's three! 

Such is the life of the broadcast media I suppose... but then I am honoured because yesterday evening the outgoing Chief Executive of Wirral Council gave instructions to one of its employees to give us the press a copy of an amendment... wow.. how things change! 

It must've been that rant I had at him a week ago about the press not getting copies of amendments and the subsequent criticism of his comments online I made about him trying to persuade me to leave the Council Chamber when I went to get one during the adjournment. His argument was I could see "private papers". 

My argument was (wearing glasses) that I might "see them" but that they'd have to be between 5-6 inches away from my eyes in order to actually read them. I also pointed out that the many people staring down from the public gallery could probably see these "private papers" (and many of them were public papers published on Wirral Council's website for the meeting) better than I could! 

What's next though? Wirral Council searches people at public meeting for binoculars? 

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Hmm, the Lyndale school fiasco and John Brace being banned from presenting Wirral Council meetings on You-tube all look a bit curiouser and curiouser as Alice would say. But then Wirral is an ongoing Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.

 

We have read today in the Wirral Globe that we (yes, us the council tax payers) are paying a consultancy company £15,000 a year for senior management recruitment – their first job is to appoint yet another new CEO.  Remember the one in post now was appointed in a temporary 2 year post.  The most important item on his “to do list†following on from total refurbishment of his office suite was to make himself permanent – he has given WBC  3 months more than his temporary contact, but is managing to take with him all the perks of a permanent outgoing CEO.  

 

Wirral Council has a Department of Transformation & Resources which is responsible for human resources and the Director of which is on a salary of circa £121,807 so why do we need to engage outside consultants to advertise and recruit the post of CEO.  Are not the persons in post senior enough and paid enough to handle this?

 

I do hope none of those who left Wirral with “no case to answer†a year or so ago and have now achieved senior posts in other counties will not be head hunted for CEO of Wirral Metropolitan Council.  

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GrowlTiger that's common practice here in Hereford, I have read it's to attract the best candidate! Silly really because the best candidates here in Hereford are usually the ones who endear themselves to the Directors! There has just been an appointment at Herefordshire Council and I kid you not, you would not invite this person to supervise you crossing the road! However she makes all the right noises and will never be in a position to challenge someone above her because the only thing she knows how to do is how to suck up to Directors!!! It is stomach churning to hear, "oh what a truly wonderful idea", "you are amazing and so clever", "I wish I had your expertise", "can you mentor me I could learn so much from you". "That's a lovely suit you're wearing it looks so attractive on you". You have to see her in action it is comical!

 

Some idiot just handed her a promotion worth a pretty penny but she is so bad she will make those above her stand out and look like they know what they are doing, she will be an excellent fall guy when the **** hits the fan! We don't check your qualifications here at Hereford just your ability to suck up!

 

One of the agencies used here at Hereford is called The Geoff Hughes appreciation Society (GHAS) for friends facing redundancy!

 

The agency keeps people on the pay role who faced redundancy years ago! There are people swanning around Herefordshire Council on huge pay packets with the most ridiculous job titles you ever heard of! They don't have any line management responsibilities but are still earning huge salaries long after their original job was made redundant but the GHAS always found a place for them! They don't actually do anything, you would be lucky to find them!

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Flam.... Not trying to outdo you here, but I know another place where "the public interest" has descended and warped into carnal opportunism; concealed sexual gratification; extra-marital give and take; the rampant thrusting together of particular sets of loins; pregnant pauses for structural reshuffles; followed by the premature birth of the illegitimate advancement of career prospects of willing participants.

An unsightly rash of senior departures has now broken out, which may be not unconnected.

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