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bobby47

Surgical Procedure commonly known as an Endoscopy.

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Or, if my view is worth a jot of bloody notice, a violation of your human dignity. Whichever way the NHS dress this thoroughly brutal and unpleasant practice, its moreorless bloody Guantanamo Bay style Waterboarding except they don't ask you any questions other than,'who are you?'.

Good bloody grief! I'd sooner eat the placenta of Kerry Katona's latest birth than submit myself again to this devilish practice.

This is what happens. You go down to the Hospital and in my case my bloody wife went with me to make sure I didn't run off. You go in, your'e met by bloody shiney, happy clappy people who thrust a form in front if you that moreorless says, 'you gave us permission to do this terrible thing to you and, if you come out of it a vegetable and unable to control your bloody bowell movements, its not our rotten fault.'

Course, I didn't want to sign it but bloody 'she' insisted I did or else she'd hit me in the face with a frying pan when she got me home. Then they say, 'you've got two bloody options. Firstly we drug you so that you're literally out of your mind or, if you choose,we can spray the back of your throat with a spray that'll give you a small anaesthetic. Having then learned that the drug was Rohypnol, commonly known as the preferred choice of Date Rape Drugs, I decided to have the spray. My thinking was I didn't want to end up on Youtube being violated by a dozen well endowed men who had me in the starring role of Bobby Does Hereford.

Then, after the form filling and some bloody encouraging words, they sit you down in the waiting room where you get to listen to all those who are ahead of you in this process. It's like a bloody abattoir! My God, the sounds! Grunting noises, screams of, 'save me Jesus' and 'I want my bloody Mommy' all mixed up with the sound of people gagging on their own vomit.

Then, I saw this sweet lady leave me and enter the room. Bless her! She'd handed her false teeth to the nurse. I saw this sweet child of God go in but the same person didnt come out. The woman who eventually emerged looked the same, probably was the same woman, but this woman I gazed upon had left her spirit and her soul behind in that godforsaken room. When it was my turn, I said, 'I've changed me bloody mind. I ain't going in. Never. I'll be damned if I allow this procedure to take place.' Course, she said, 'get in there you big Jesse if you know what's good for you'. I said, 'you rotten old cow' and I entered the room.

Once therein, there were four of them. Two to hold you down, one to shove the entire camera crew down your bloody throat and one to tell you to 'breathe normally' while the equipment and the film crew travel down your gullet and onwards and downwards to your stomach opening.

I'd like to say that I swore to find them all after I'd recovered from this dreadful ordeal but you can't swear. You can't bloody speak. All you can do is grunt, heave, gag and gurgle as the film crew hit four gag reflexes on their journey of violation. It's horrendous!

You'd think that when they reached the bottom and the end of their journey you'd be relieved. You bloody ain't, because they then rotate the rotten camera and hit all four gag reflexes again as they begin the journey back up toward the entry point that is your bloody mouth.

And then once it was done and I was invited to sit up and breathe for the first time in ten bloody minutes I looked all four in the eye, delivered them a volley of obscene expletives and left the building accompanied by my wife of forty years who had the temerity to tell me that, 'you made an awful lot of noise. I was so embarrassed'.

If your General Practioners ever invites you to go to the Hospital for this procedure tell them to get stuffed! No good comes of it.

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when I worked at the hospital many years ago I took people down for one of these procedures, they walked down but come back on a bed, not looking as good as when they walk there.I was told it wasn't very pleasant and seeing how they looked afterwards I said I would never have this done myself, and never have!

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You can't bloody speak. All you can do is grunt, heave, gag and gurgle as the film crew hit four gag reflexes on their journey of violation. It's horrendous!

 

 

That answers my question, it's not the one up your bum then :P My dad had an endoscopy once, cant say he cared much for it. Personally, I wouldn't be able to do that.

 

There are departments in the hospital that are fantastic! And those that aren't.

 

You try going to the hospital as a couple losing a baby and see how they treat the man. Or, even, during a successful pregnancy and birth. You wouldn't believe that having a baby takes 2 people.

Edited by Biomech

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I had it done years ago took the drug option.  Went into the recovery/waiting room chatted up some man sat next to me.  My Mum bless her took me home I told all my inner most secrets - high as a kite!

 

Next day I was having replacement windows fitted couldn't of cared less still bouncing.

 

Couple of days later went to the bank for work and couldn't remember where I had parked my car oops 

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Bobby , hope that you make a full recovery and there are no after effects .

 

My recent experience with this hospital is a year ago when I decided that my left thumb was in the way of my axe whilst I was putting the Xe into its cover . Do not laugh.

 

Went to A and E The treatment that I received was excellent , told that I would have to return the next day to have the ligaments joined up as there was no Consultant on duty to do the OP that night . OK that's fine , the lovely nurse then gave me a cup of coffee and a ham sandwich .............a few minutes after I had scoffed the Sarnies a Consultant came into the room and said " Right Ubique , we are ready for you " Nurse said " he had just had a drink and food " .........OK .give in. Told that they would phone me to fix up,a time for the Op......I now go home after 5 hours .......ringing in my ears was " Nil by mouth from midnight !! "

 

0730 the next day tele call , Please come to the hospital by 0815 , which I did , Still Nil by Mouth , When I collapsed in the ward due to dehydration at 3pm they had to put a drip in me ...long story short , I went to the Operating Theatre at 5pm . They then did a super job. Mrs Ubique and I have had many discussion about the NHS and the limitation we want them to do when push comes to shove . Nobody , but nobody will shove anything into a place we do not want it - just control the pain . Done my time , on a bonus , 30 score and 10.

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Bobby, I can sympathise, I have had 2 endoscopies and one colonoscopy in the last months.  

Unlike you, I fought for the endoscopy (and while having it done -hehe) but the consequences are positively life changing for me.

 

It was a funny experience for me too!  I had the throat spray, one consultant to operate the gagging pipe down the throat, a sweet nurse to operate the machine that inflates your gut - YES!!  One lovely chap to hold my hand (thanks - you know who you are), and to hold me firmly down, while I fought like h#ll to stop the gagging process and try to breathe through the gagging and loud racking bubbling burps as the air found it's way out.

Then a few weeks later I had it done again - brilliant! (NOT).   :Surprised_32: 

This time I was offered the opportunity to use services of a trainee (registrar) to push the pipe down my throat, and chose to firmly turn it down, in favour of the consultant who had piped patients many times before.  (My past experiences with trainees have never gone too well and I keenly remember a few years ago when I had my hearing tested.  I was asked to see the nurse to have my ears syringed before the test.  She had a young man to do the procedure under her supervision and the pair merrily poked hooks and what-not near my ear drum until it became very painful and apparent I was his first ever (ear) patient).  :Nervous:  

 

The colonoscopy lasted three days of medically self-induced diarrhoea and a few terrified hours in the hospital.   :Blushing_32:

 

I sat in the waiting room with one uncomplaining woman, on her umpteenth endoscopy, to solve the problems she was suffering, by endoscopic surgery.   :Sad:

 

Bobby, I hope you bear no scars from the endoscopy and that you are in good health.  The procedure was horrendous but so "funny", you are already cashing in on the "dining out on it".

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Ah...!!

 

The County Hospital! Hotter even than the Sahara Desert, a place where even Ray Mears would struggle to survive!

Surely this temperature can't be healthy for staff or patients??

 

I spent a week here, and was looked after superbly.......but I wouldn't want to return!!

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