SON OF GRIDKNOCKER

Carefully-modulated understatement, as ever, from King Bobby!

Campaigners fighting to save the former Working Boys Home, Bath Street, from demolition, were told that the Country Bus Station (behind the old Odeon cinema) could not be offered to Hereford & Worcester fire service as a site for their proposed new fire station, as it would remain is use until at least October 2016. Last week I had to walk across the said bus station on three occasions: mid-week, morning and afternoons. And the number of passengers waiting in the ten bus stands? Respectively, seven, four and two! Travellers at Worcester's bus station at these times would have been in hundreds! Thursday 7 May seems to be the perfect moment to 'burst the bubble'. Let's elect a party that has a coherent, sustainable transport policy for this county. And show the present incumbents the exit door!

Frustrated by an inconclusive meeting in the council's plush Plough Lane redoubt, a friend recently exploded: "Those merchant bankers (that's Cockney rhyming slang folks) are all living in a bubble!" Here's a classic example of our council's blinkered thinking, which confirms this 'bubble mentality'.

Or....how do we manage to educate plonkers like Aylestone Voice to ALWAYS come along and throw cold water over a lively topical issues being discussed on The Voice? This man (person) is surely a Wilcox nark!

The empty shop (probably been empty for the longest time) in this depressing photo-survey is that of Chadds. Big two-storey unit in a prime location. Unless the freeholders are asking an absurdly high rent, I simply cannot understand why it remains unoccupied. Does anybody know whether the Chadd family still owns the freehold?

Please can I formerly second gdj's emminrently sensible suggestion that King Bobby is appointed the HT's Agony Aunt. With immediate effect. And if Newsquest are stupid enough to ignore this idea, then Colin should set up His Majesty on The Voice. Those in favour?

Sooooo wish I'd been there! I'm told that this year you'd even managed to cast little Roger Phillips as one of the oxen standing by the manger and Andrew Neil as the stroppy inn keeper.

'ere in 'ereford, will pork scratchings-loving Jonathan Bretherton be making an appearance as Father Christmas at the naff new Old Market? Or diminutive mole-loving highways engineer Charles Pickles be returning from his Holme Lacy retirement home to appear as an elf in front of Waitrose? Perhaps Terry James could dress up as Mr Beadle, and strut past the new Odeon ringing a bell and calling out: 'I always said it would be a disaster!'

'Unlocking much needed development land': Cllr Price's quoted words at yesterday's Cabinet rubber-stamping session. A subtle difference to the 'unlock barriers' quoted by the planners. 'development land' is surely municipal weaselspeak for lovely open countryside which housebuilders will fall over themselves to buy up, enabling us to rake in lots of lovely Roof Tax (formerly S106 payments).

I think AV is correct about the covenants attached to Brockington. But the thing I find utterly sickening about this scandal - for let's not mince words, folks, it's a scandal - is that these jokers, these no-hopers, these paper-pushers who can't even co-ordinate a new rubbish collection service - feel entitled to spend £6.8-million on themselves!

I agree with Cloudberry (above). Megi's excellent graphic doesn't seem to me to be a vital trunk route into Rotherwas. To remove 'the barriers' to kick-start the development of the EZ something far more fundemental is required - like putting a dynamic management team in place. How long ago is it that George Osborne granted Rotherwas EZ status? Two years? Apart from the hideously-ugly £6-million Records Office, I've not spotted any new silicone valley type structures sprouting up. And has a single penny been spent of shoring up the crumbling 1918 Empty Shell Shed? It has not!

@TWG & Dippy: Megi's right, the book is an absolute corker. I'm sure Waterstones will be piling 'em high on Monday morning. And for once Logaston has got the layout and images spot-on - some stunning old aerial shots, especially of the Rotherwas munitions factory. I was in conversation with a lady at yesterday's gathering whose grannie was one of the Canary Girls. She told me that the enterprise zone's management has failed in its bid to get Lotto funding to shore up the 1918 (unlisted) Empty Shell Shed. With Captain Mainwaring (aka Tony Johnson) flinging money at new road building like it was going out of fashion, what chance is there of this sad old hulk being rescued from demolition, I wonder?

Slightly off-thread, perhaps, but I felt this choice ministerial broadside should not go un-reported. In a withering attack this week on the hapless London Borough of Tower Hamlets, where he has sent in no less that three commissionaires to clean out that authority's Augean Stables, Eric 'Two Dinners' Pickles referred to 'a deeply concerning picture of obfuscation, denial, secrecy, an absence of democratic scrutiny and a culture of cronyism.' Ring any bells?

Unfortunately, I'd only got to Level 1 when Gideon went and split his thumb nail trying to get the pin out of the grenade, and the old tart insisted on us finding him a manicurist. I ask you, where are you going to find a manicurist in the middle of the night in the Bavarian Alps? That was when the missus gave me the phone message. "There's a bloke called Farrage who wants you to ring him back this afternoon. Here's the number." I rang a London number, to be greeted by a voice that sounded like a corncrake on Diazapan. "UKIPHQSHARONSPEAKINGHOWMAYIHELPYOU?" "Could you say that again slowly? And in English?" "You're through to the headquarters of the United Kingdom Independence Party. My name is Sharon and this call is being recorded for safety, security, compliance and sustainability purposes." "Could you please connect me with Mr Farrage, Sharon?" "Who shall I say is calling?" "My name's Grid Knocker." "Are you spelling that with one 'k' or two?" "One at the beginning and one towards the end. But it's an alias." "Mr Alias Grid-Knocker. Please hold the line." After three rings the phone was answered by a deep gravely voice. "Farrage." "Good afternoon Mr Farrage. I believe you left a message this afternoon for me to call you back?" "And your name is?" "Grid Knocker." "Hang on while I fire up my i-Pad. Yes, here we are: Grid Knocker; Parliamentary Consituency: Hereford & South Herefordshire?" "Correct. How can I help?" "Your name has been brought to our attention as a local political activist. I believe you were once described by the Editor of the Hereford Times as a 'mendacious oddity'?" "That's correct." "UKIP likes odd balls. How would you feel about standing as our Parliamentary candidate in next May's General Election?" "Against Jesse Norman? I'd get slaughtered!" "I'm not so sure, Grid - don't mind if I call you Grid, do you? Call me Nige. Our canvassing returns show that by the New Year, Hereford & South Herefordshire will be a Tory marginal." "You're kidding!" "Nope. Wiggin will be toast and we reckon with a charasmatic candidate we could bring down The Big Jesse himself." "What would I have to do as the UKIP candidate?" "Not a lot; we'll do it all for you. We'll pay your deposit and print your literature and posters. Your Agent will be Miss Whiplash (I gather she's very popular with the male over-60s down there) and we've hired Ken Dodd to write your Manifesto. You'll be expected to canvas in High Town every Saturday, wearing a purple shell suit, and for the big hustings events, we'll send down Mark Reckless, Dominic Feckless and Tracey Topless to suppport you. Betty Boothroyd's agreed to do a burlesque fund-raiser at The Courtyard, with vocal backing by Chas and Dave. Just think of it Grid - in six months time you could be on the Westminster gravy train!" "And my policies?" "Ken's come up with a couple of corkers: Border controls at Hay and Ledbury and only UK passport holders allowed into Hereford pound shops. Otherwise do what I do: make it up as you go along." While Nigel had been chuntering on, I'd switched 'Call Of Duty 27' back on and had idly hit one or two radom keys. Level 9, Level 11, Level 17! The screen suddenly said: 'You have just disembarked from your private Lear jet at Georgetown Airport, to be driven in your white stretched limo to your jungle hideout with Miss Hilton. A magnum of Bolli is on ice.' "I'm very flattered, Mr Farrage, but unfortunately I have a prior commitment in the Cayman Islands and I may be gone some time."

I'D BEEN down to the Lugg Meadows car boot. There weren't a lot of bargains to be had as half the site was under water, but I managed to pick up a near-new copy of 'Call Of Duty 27'. If you're not familiar with it, that's the one where you join an elite squad of killers, which includes Barack Obama and George Osborne. Your mission is to assassinate Angela Merkyl, who's spending the weekend in her schloss, locked in a lesbian triste with Paris Hilton. After despatching Frau Merkyl, you elope to the Cayman Islands with the delightful Paris (and her equally delightful bank balance) to spend the rest of your days consuming Class A substances, swilled down with Bollinger Grande Crux.

I agree with John H above: risible is the word. Reminds me of the Python's dead parrot sketch, with Michael Palin playing Harry Bramer, refusing to concede that the game's up.

RESULT!!! Congrats to the indomitable Cambo Dippy duo! TWG asks 'what will they do with it now?' Fiesty Nicola of BBC Radio H&W (who seems to be remarkably well informed) said last week that in the event of the fire station development not going ahead, she had been told that HC had to offer it to the (proposed) uni first. And that the uni folk have said they will initially use it as their admin base then, at a later date, consider a longer-term use for it as part of the campus.

Excellent news about the Vic Soc throwing its weight behind English Heritage. Though numerically, objections recorded may only amount to around 60 (which I guess is what will be reported to the members of the Planning Committee when the application comes before them), in terms of the numbers of individuals represented by those objections - Woolhope Club, Society for Aiding the Industrious, HCS, Vic Soc - this is well in excess of 1000. The solitary disappointing group whose voice could have added additional clout is Hereford City Council, whose comments, in my view, are utterly pathetic.

Right, I'm throwing down the gauntlet, King Bobby ('cause right now I can't get down to The Commercial). Let's be having this list of Girls I'd Like to Kiss, please?

DURING its projected lifespan, the temporary car park on the site of the former Rockfield DIY store, will earn the council in excess of £300,000. A nice little earner, though a drop in the ocean compared to the sum the Wolversons banked. So where goest all this wonga? I hear you cry. Is it, perhaps, being invested in the forward planning of the much-vaunted Transport Hub? Like the one which Bromsgrove will have next year, costing £17-million? An all-singing, all-dancing, state-of-the-art structure, providing travellers with a stress-free interchange from one mode of transport to another? Car-to-train; train-to-bus; bike-to-train; train-to-hire car? 'Fraid not. Apparently none of the above is currently under consideration by Herefordshire Council's blue sky strategists. They've simply been told: 'Just bank the cash!'

Or, then again, you could put what the sub-editors in Holmer Road would call the 'unique HT spin' on the story:- Man is run over by concrete mixer lorry 10 weeks before High Town's Christmas lights were due to be switched on

'We expect to adapt a number of existing buildings'. From an unimpeachable source yesterday came the revelation that Herefordshire Council is obligated to offer first to our embryonic uni any buildings which it owns and which are surplus to requirements Blue School House (presently a discotheque) and poor old unwanted Franklin Barnes House are already on the list. When asked what their reaction would be if the former Working Boys Home was to be added to the list, the uni folk said they'd jump at the chance, because it could almost instantaneously become their hq - from where it would do its master-planning, aided by Messrs Hine and Preece - then later it might be the subject of a full-blown refurbishment. So all things considered - and what with the local government elections now only seven months away - wouldn't Council Leader Tony Johnson's best move be to despatch Cllr Bramer over to Worcester to tell the firemen that the dotty 'land swop' deal is no longer on the table? Then simultaneously instruct HC's somnambulent transportation experts to pull their fingers out and bring forward the closure of the under-used Country Bus Station by 12 months?

'In each case there is just one three-minute slot per category.' There they go, moving the goalposts again! When the accursed Link Road came up for its ritual nodding through, several objectors requested - and were given - the right to speak. Now HC's advice (in the case of several objectors applying to speak) is 'you'll have to confer amogst yourselves!' Which is bureaucratic codswallop. I'm sure democracy still rules in Shropshire!

As as 08.15 today (Monday): 49 and still they're rolling in. And for an example of 'damned with feint praise', read Hereford City Council's pathetic contribution!

Next time you visit the council website to check the number of objections logged (44 this morning; whatever happened to those other 556 flyers you posted through people's letterboxes Cambo?), have a read of the objection sent in by Herefordshire Civic Society. Two points they make which are interesting are a) the applicants claim that the development will provide a building of architectural merit (if that brick s**t house has any merit whatsover, then I'm a Dutchman) and b) the applicants state that Bath Street is 'the only suitable site for the development of new facilities for this essential public service', a claim which I'd say amounts to a 24ct Porkie.