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The Tragic Demise of the Black Plastic Bin Bag.


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I had a bit of the usual trouble today. I was sat reading the Pipe Lyde, Munstone and Holmer medical Lancet , where I'd become deeply engrossed in a wonderfully informative article titled, 'what to do if you've snapped your penis because of excessive masturbation'. When out of the blue, all of a sudden, there was a tap, tap, tap on the door. I thought, funny, tap, tap, tap on the door, who could it possibly be?

Rather than sit there, muttering, 'who could it be?', I decided to open the door to see who it was. I wish I'd stayed put. It was only Councillor Pat Morgan and the Councils top legal mind Bill bloody Norman.

I said, 'clear off. I've snapped me bloody penis'. Bloody Morgan, dressed in her Sunday best said, 'here's your new wheeled rubbish bin. Ain't it a beauty?

That did it. I told her straight. I said, 'I'm a black plastic bin bag man. Always have been and always will be and I'll be damned if I take delivery of that hideous monstrosity. Clear off!'

Course then Bill bloody Norman gets involved doesn't he? He said, 'if you don't accept this new bin you'll have more than a snapped penis to be worrying about. I'll break your bloody legs'.

I said, ' bloody threatening me on me own doorstep. I'll be damned if I accept this type of behaviour. Im a black plastic bin bag man. Always have been and always will be and if you don't clear off with that wheeled bin, Im going to be demanding some habeus corpus, a sworn affidavit and a measure of mens Rea'.

Course, that shut him up. He said, 'you've got the Latin'. I said, 'bloody too right I've got the Latin', and

just to ensure they both knew who they were up against I told them,'and if and when I do recover from this snapped penis thing, Im going to be starting a petition off on 38 degrees demanding the right to dispose of my rubbish how I want to dispose of my rubbish. I intend to carry on depositing my garbage in the black plastic bin bag and hell will freeze over before I ever use your wheeled bin.'

And finally, to all of you out there, who diligently recycle their rubbish and who value the black plastic bin bag, I say, join me in this fight against oppression. If, like me, you enjoy emptying all your food waste into a black plastic bag, rather than a two wheeled bin manufactured somewhere within Bavaria, then speak your minds and say, 'No! Never. We're black plastic bin bag folk. Always have been and always will be and we ain't for changing!

There! I've said it!

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Good Grief Bobby!

This woman, Patricia Morgan, is obsessed with you!

First, she tries to wrestle your trusty rod from your hand,one dark night down by the Wye, then she's sending you- and only you - a personal response on HT, and now she's got the bare faced cheek to turn up on your doorstep!

Harassment! That's what it is!

I fear an injunction may be the only answer - this situation is escalating out of control.

Thank God your wife wasn't home - yet another non accidental injury caused by a frying pan, would have certainly raised eyebrows down at A and E!

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I want my new bin personally delivered by a councillor!

Mind you, I'm still baffled about the black bin bags that people kept having left, I've had to buy my own for at least the last 10 years. I haven't had a black bag left by the bin men since I was a wee child. Remember those days, bin men we respected and praised, the whole street would tip them and give them wine, beer, money and Christmas cards during the festive season.


In their defence... well... you know.... they don't do my bins until nearly 12 midday! Which is fantastic given that my lifestyle doesn't lean towards an early morning.

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I get absolutely no bags and I have 5 black bags of grass waiting to go somewhere. Might just fly tip them!

I was going to start a new thread, but this appears to be on topic;


Does anyone know where I can take paperwork? Bank statements, payslips etc. I'd like to watch them get incinerated, rather than throw them into a container and hope for the best.

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Indeed, all we need is one big burner somewhere. Even if they charged £1 per visit.


In fact a liquidiser would be better. One unit, £1 per visit, liquidise paper to destroy it, sell/ship out the mulsch(?) for recycling. That way we get proper disposal of confidential waste and contribute to recycling and the environment.


I'd do it myself, but I fear getting a unit or piece of land to do it with would be far too costly for a business venture.

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