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Hereford's answer to Lotto


SON OF GRIDKNOCKER
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Queuing patiently to buy my weekly Lotto ticket in Morrisons the othe other day, I fell into conversation with the bloke standing behind me.  'You realise you've more chances of sleeeping with Joan Collins than winning this thing, don't you?'  It could have been Al Read speaking from the grave.  As there were 17 people in front of us, I thanked him for this fascinating statistic and legged it into High Town.

 

Clustered around the bull statue in front of the Old House was a small knot of East Europeans, avidly buying £5 raffle tickets from a man I'd recently seen featured on a 'Police are anxious to interview this man' CCTV freeze-frame on the Hereford Times website.

 

'Excuse me: what's the first prize?' I impudently enquired from the back of the throng.  'A night with John Major at the Castle Pool Hotel,' came the rapid response, like a Hamas rocket.  'And suppose the winner's a bloke?'  'Send the missus; Edwina never complained!'

 

But it was the fascinating array of runners-up prizes which were the real clinchers for me.  Second prize was a week's suuply of bacon butties, cooked in the winner's own kitchen by Councillor John Jarvis (ketchup not included).  Then there were half-hour bedtime readings for a whole month from the Highway Code, by Councillor Brian Wilcox - surely guaranteed to get you to sleep.  Next was a signed copy of Roger Phillips' little-known gem 'All you could ever want to know about farming' (a slim volume this, just 24 pages long); and then, to cap it all, the piece de resistance: a weekend's weeding of your own garden by Councillor Patricia Morgan, dressed only in khaki short-shorts and a wet T-shirt reading: 'I really, really want Big Tony's job!'.

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If you go to the Sunshine Radio Facebook page you currently have a 1 in 84 chance of winning tickets (worth £200) to dine/meet with Sir Ranulph Fiennes on Wednesday 6th Aug 7pm at Pengethley Manor Hotel. Winner chose at random on Sunday morning from anyone who shared the post. Which is the top one ... Those odds are reasonably low for basically spending nothing ... ;-)

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I met Ranulph Fiennes!

 

He was lovely, really interesting, he's had an amazing life!

 

Gave me a hug.........!!!

 

 

GridKnocker......what are you trying to do to me?

 

You have firmly planted an image of Trish in my head, which I am struggling to erase - and guaranteed to give me nightmares!

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What are you doing my old friend? You've got seventy thousand words to produce before the end of February, 2015 or your publisher ain't going to be happy. Clear off! Leave the rubbish to me and get on producing something that's good, lasting and worth reading.

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