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A trip to the moon with Richard Branson


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You know what it's like.  You haven't woken up properly when you check your overnight incoming e-mails, deleting those viagra offers and 'learn the art of waterboarding your noisy neighbours' free trials?


The othe morning, there was the bearded one, grinning out at me at 6.15am, telling me there was a spare seat beside him in the first Virgin Rocket's trip to the moon.  "There's still time to enter this unique competition, Grid Knocker," he said.  Directly at me, peeps!  Just imagine having Richard Branson as your co-pilot all the way to the moon?  The mind doesn't just boggle, it positively coagulates.


But there was a catch.  Isn't there always a catch?  There in the small print at the bottom, in yellow text set against a pulsating yellow background it said: "I have read Virgin Rocket's terms & conditions and agree to receive details of promotional offers from Virgin Mobile, Virgin Trains, Virgin Records, Virgin Airlines, Virgin Holidays, Virgin Money, Virgin Caribbean Care Homes, Virgin Perfumed Trainer Liners, Virgn Skateboard Accident After-Care and Virgin Drain Unblocking.


Of course I didn't click the box, but now I'm scared to open the front door or even walk into town for fear he'll be lying in wait for me.  With his red clip board and that cheesey toothsome grin.  The postman's just brought our post: d'you suppose he might come disguised as a postie?  Or the man who reads the gas meters?

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This has got me thinking, Grid Knocker.


I am quite sure that there are a number of folks who will have plenty of time on their hands come May 2015. Several names spring

To mind suprisingly readily......

Now, I can't personally vouch for what sort of travelling companions they'd make, if they have plenty of sparkling conversations, witty remarks or razor sharp humour.....but I do know that I would like them to be as far away from Hereford as possible!


Sooooo.......is there a way we can check to see if Jarvis, Johnson, Morgan et al have up to date passports???


Blimey...I'd even be there to wave them off!!

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Grid Knocker, Tell Branson to clear off and go bother someone else. No good will come of it. My Uncle was completely against space travel and wasn't slow telling me whenever he'd lead me into the bushes. He used to say to me, 'Bobby, pull your trousers up and don't tell the Constable'. He'd say, 'I am totally against travelling in space and whatsmore, Im determined that I'll never fly to the moon'. And furthermore he'd say, 'we've no business up there and if ever Im invited to leave the coal face, journey up the mine shaft and given instruction to fly to the moon, Im going to tell them to get stuffed. Im here to dig coal. Im a coal man. A simple coal man and I've no idea or interest in flying a rocket to the moon'.

True to his word he has never flown in space and as far as I am aware he still has no plans to fly to the moon once he's been released from prison.

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