Bambi

Bobby, welcome back to the path of righteousness. The in-laws are coming round this weekend, thousands of 'em. I've got an opened pack of granary baps and two tins of pink salmon. Don't suppose you could give us a hand with the catering? P.S. A word to the wise, don't lose your temper, stay calm, never get cross, especially at Easter, or the bast.ards will nail you!

Bloody hell Bobby, you got religion or something? 'I'm afraid I've become a bully'!! You going to change your name to Billy bloody Graham?! I have a week away with the Mem Sahib at Pontin's, where incidentally, I won through to the finals of the gurning competition before being disqualified because they found out I'd got wind, to find that Bobby's found a conscience. All the way home I was thinking, 'I wonder what that daft old bu66er Bobby has been ranting about this week', only to find this post. Come on Bobby, you only put into words things that we lesser mortals think, but haven't got the balls to say. And as for upsetting people, well last time I looked, this was an 'Open Forum', so any one feeling aggrieved has only to log on and register to express their displeasure. I don't know you, but from your posts, I can tell that you are a big enough man to apologise when necessary. So please, continue to ridicule, lampoon, and generally take the pi55 out of those in authority in your own unique way. You tap it, we will read it!

Reading Bobby's post made me think. 'Police Intelligence'. Anybody know any other oxymorons?

Dear Bobby, I really feel for you with your sore neck, in a manly punch on the shoulder masculine sort of way of course, and the moral you portray is a sound one 'the devil is in the detail' and all that. But also, one must trust ones instincts, ones 'gut feelings', and with a gut like mine there's a lot to trust. Really, after all your personal dealings with Brockington Towers and the Plough Lane Mafia, you should know, within these fine establishments, there is no such thing as a 'Little Bill'. There may be a 'Big Bill', there may be a 'Hefty Bill', there may even be a an 'Eye Watering, Enormously Gigantic Bill', but a 'Little Bill'? never!

Dear stupidfrustration, perhaps Insp. Semper is extremely forward thinking, but could you ask him what has happened to the good old favourite 'Breach of the Peace' an offence contrary to Common Law, which I believe is still in force, or the 'Town Police Clauses Act', also in force, and the Public Order Act, again, I believe still in force, all of which are there to prevent unruly and antisocial behaviour, or is it that the Police Service cannot be bothered anymore?

Roger, please back me up on this;, at one time in the dark distant past, (1980's), there were four 'foot beats' in Hereford City, all converging on High Town. Officers allocated to these 'beats', were required to be in High Town for 15 mins at a time, to ensure a continuous presence. In the '90's. a specific 'High Town Officer' was appointed to deal with any problems, and be a 'focal point' for all the shop owners, and to be a 'walking, talking signpost' for visitors. I know things have changed, CCTV, signs on the floor, (even though half the lettering is missing, (stolen because there is no High Town Officer?)) etc. officers wearing shorts, black 't'shirts and the like instead of uniforms and ties - remember them?, but standards have, to an aged onlooker like me, appear to have dropped dramatically. Hey ho, such is progress!! I can remember, during weather like we have now, scorching hot, being told, 'OK lads, shirt sleeve order, but you keep your ties on, and your helmets!' Now you all know, I was in 'The Force' too!!

Using animals to reduce the length of the grass is a great idea, but not cattle. This Council has enough 'Bull s**t' already.

This junction is like the rest of the road system in Hereford, a prime example of what an Urban Road Planning Consultant can do, when he's pi**ed.

Whadayamean, 'on his way to becoming a legend?, our Good king Bobby has been a 'leg end' for ages. I chose my punctuation wisely, if there is an injustice, a wrong doing or even a topic that requires addressing, our King Bobby is there to 'put he boot in'. Long may he reign, and we, his humble followers be behind him, (a long way behind) for ever.

Cambo, it would be far above my station to make assumptions about Good King Bobby's vast and various array of talents, but they don't call it a 'lap top' for nothing!! However, I do have it from a most unreliable source that what he can do with a mug of PG tips and a packet of jammy dodgers is nothing short of miraculous - disgusting, but miraculous!

Paul, there is nothing wrong with veggie food, vegetarians love it, I'm not a vegetarian, and I love it, especially with a big lump of rib eye, medium rare. Yummy!!!

Bobby, I've found the flaw in your plan, it is the use of an 'inanimate object', namely, the old MFI flat pack wardrobe. Have you considered a bit of escapology? You could leap out of your mates Cessna at fifteen thousand feet wearing that 'special jacket', that those nice young men in their clean white coats help you to put on each morning, remove it during the fall, and throw it into the crowd when you land. Oh dear, I've just made the supposition that they allow you out of your 'special jacket' once in a while, which makes me think, "How does Bobby manage to type with his arms strapped across his chest"? Oh dear oh dear, I've just thought how you could do it. I hope Mrs Bobby has lots of disinfectant wipes for the keyboard!

Bobby, usually, my thinking is clear, concise and as straight as is humanly possible, but when the Pinot kicks in!!!

Is it just a coincidence that the 'Monty Python' team are back together? Perhaps the Constables should be looking for a group of horseless Knights 'who say "Nic"'!!

I was sitting in the conservatory this morning perusing the Telegraph, when it suddenly came to me. I ran into the kitchen and declared, "I've had an epiphany"!, the long suffering Mrs. B said, "You'd better get a cloth and wipe it up then", I said , "No you daft bat, I've had a vision, a glimpse into the future, and it's not pretty" In my vision, I saw Plough Lane, there was a gatehouse, guarded by ex-SAS troopers, all thrown out of the Regiment for being too violent, all armed to the teeth, stopping and searching passers by. I saw salivating Rottweiler's on short leads patrolling Baynhams forecourt, there were large signs, in four languages, declaring that the area was a 'no hand cart zone' and that melon salesmen would be 'shot on sight'. There was a moat surrounding the Council offices, filled with water and teeming with man eating sharks, (actually, they were piranha, but I can't spell that). All employees were being escorted about their daily business by Neanderthals, knuckles scraping on the floor, even to the refurbished toilets. Then I saw the bill for all this security. That was the most frightening, and all coming from the 'public purse'. The reason for all of this, because SOMEBODY, (you know who you are), somebody declared their desire to fight, (somewhat unfairly in my mind), some one who seriously deserves the sh*t knocking out of them, Bill bloody Norman. Well, all I can say, is if my council tax is raised next year by even one penny, I shall be around to 'somebody's' house, rummage through their tackle, and have their Shimano beach caster and box of wagglers on e bay within the hour.(Unless of course, I can be the sole promoter of this altercation and sell tickets)